Brenley is a little shy when it comes to people she's never met. She's been with mommy for so long now, we're co-dependent on each other... maybe even a little too much... nah. Never TOO much :) Before getting there, I decided to give her a pep talk to prepare her so she wouldn't be nervous or shy. I told her to remember that when they talked to her or asked her questions, she needed to answer and mind her manners. Her response? "Butttttttt... you told me NOT to talk to strangers... " She had a point. We spend their young lives trying to make them aware of all situations, only to have to go back on that when they are a little older.
She actually did really well. She was a little nervous, as expected. Then the first group of tests, the eyesight and hearing, was a breeze. All it took was four magical words. "Are you Baylee's sister?" She adores her sisters. More than this post could ever describe. So once that name was mentioned, she knew they must be good people. Then, they took her into a room to do more one on one testing. My husband and I had to wait in another room. Wait!!! What?? You're taking my BABY?? My last born precious?? Ummm!! WAIT!! I'm not ready!! I've changed my mind!!! I can't do thissssss!!!! I want to keep her home one more year!! She's too little!!!!! "Go ahead, Brenley. You'll do great! Mommy and Daddy will be right here waiting when you're done." My chest felt tight. I wanted to hug her one more time. We're talking a 45 minute test. Not all day. Not even an hour. But I wasn't ready. Not like I thought. I sat in the waiting area silently hoping she wouldn't get into the program this year. Does that make me a horrible person or a loving mommy who doesn't want to let go yet?
I don't want her to feel like I would ever hold her back. And truthfully, I want her to make it in. It's just so damn hard! When it comes to my babies, I'll never change another diaper. Never snap another bib. Never teach the words "Mama." Never rock to sleep. Never pat a small, hairy back for hours just to here a little burp. Those days are gone. It's not that I want to do it all over again. It's just that in that one instant, you have an internal meltdown that quickly turns into pride. Pride for the beautiful little girl she is. Pride because you overhear the teachers talking to other parents about areas they need to focus on and sheets to send home to practice with, and you didn't get that talk or those sheets. Pride because when she comes out of testing, she still wants to run to you all bright eyed and excited to tell you how she did. She still chose us. Mommy and Daddy. The ones that struggle so hard to let go for just a moment, only to push her to fly as high as possible...
Our girls are our world. Our reason for every thought, every breath, every day. No matter how old they get, how many tests they pass, how many classes they start. We will always be right there rooting them on.. even if it hurts our hearts a little..
Today was Brenley's day and she loved every minute of it. She went 100 miles per hour all day long. Then, her sisters came home from school. The oldest, Brayden, sat a little too close on the ride home. I looked back and realized that she is still my baby. All three of them are. And they always will be. And that's all that really matters anyway..
I love your blog. It is soooo cute!!!!
ReplyDeleteLove you, Girlie!!!